potterdude (potterdude) wrote in gayteens,
potterdude
potterdude
gayteens

UGH

Hi, I'm new here and sooooooo confused.

So this passed summer I went to spain for a month. I'm 17. I'm a guy. I went on this trip with a group of 30 people around my age, it was an educational program. I signed up to go last october and two months later I found out that one of my closest childhood friends was going as well! The thing is, I hadn't talked to her for about 10 years. She's two years younger than me, is way more popular than me and i'm going to be flying to spain with her and speaking to her for the first time in years. She's beautiful. We instantly clicked and I fell hard. For that whole month, we hugged, cuddled, she even kissed me on the cheek. On the plane ride back from spain, she just fell asleep in my lap and I rubbed her back and held her hand. One time during the flight she sat up and leaned against the window. I noticed and I wanted to cuddle so I pretended to nod off and fall on her shoulder. I only sat my head there for about 2 seconds and then "realized" where I was and took my head off of her. She then said "wait" and fell into my lap again. I long for her touch everyday and I've barely even seen her since our days in spain. This is probably because our friends our different, she's more popular, and she gets all the guys she wants. Christmas break is coming up and our friend we met on the trip is coming into town from new york. I'm hoping we can all get together and my friend and I can rekindle what we had on that last plane ride. Heaven. THE most confusing part of this whole situation is this:

I thought I was gay. I am sexually attracted to both male and females. I am only emotionally attracted to women though. I am so confused and I don't want to come out to everyone just in case I DO love her and i AM straight. maybe I'm bi, i don't know, but I'm so stressed right now. HELP
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